This is my story...
I am sorry to blog abt this again but right now, I really need someone beside me here..
however, I am alone at home:(
tears falling and rolling down my cheeks,
heart broken to tiny shattered pieces..
my mood was ruin again today
how am I going to face today's presentation?
if everyday is going to be like this, I seriously dont have the mood to study..
and if this carries on, I am not going to be able to catch up in my work...
my mum was angry for me for "waking up late again"
I just want to wake up at 845h, is there anything wrong with it..
ok if you feel theres something wrong den you tell me here.
becos of 845, she said I kept sleeping and sleeping
not doing anything, sleep more than people, eat more than people, do less than people..
how can she say this to her "daughter"
each time, she just spoils my mood and I dont have the urge to study..
she hates me, I can feel it..
how to respect and honour her, out of all the ten commandments in the Bible, I have the major problem in honour and respecting my parents..
I ever asked my dad, if she doesnt respect me, how can you expect me to respect her?
I dont want her to spoil my mood just like this but I don know why I may get so affected to it..
you all might think like "dont care her la" but sorry, I am just a person who will be affected like that.. especially, by my mum..
I am sorry I cant be like most of you who thinks like that..
you know something? becos of 845, she made me wash my dad's socks..
I know she hates doing it as she ever complained to dad that his socks stinks..
dad was angry too..
if I dont wash, she will start to say that I am lazy and stuff and will accuse me and spoil my day again
but if I am really lazy den what abt you? arent you lazy too? to wash people's socks?
I had to wash the family's socks every sunday since primary 6 until sec 4, even when I have exams..
thats why I hated sundays to the core..
she knows I hate doing it but she still made me wash the whole Family'S SOCKS except for hers..
why? cos she doesnt trust me that I will wash them clean
so every saturday, she will wash her socks herself
if she really loves my dad and wants to show it, den why she doesnt want to wash his socks?
dad was great he always help me.. he will come to the toilet and cheer me up sometimes..
he understands his socks were dirty and muddy so, every 3 to 4 weeks, he will buy a new pair..
so that my mum will not complained that I dont wash socks clean enough
I was worried abt the money he spent but he say nevermind its ok..
she kept the ehite leather bag my aunt gave me, she said new year den use
EXCUSE ME!!! when will new year be coming? more than 200 days to go you know?
my aunt wants me to use it right away, if she knows abt this, she will be super angry..
I wonder sometimes why things must be so complicated when actually they can be so simply explained and solved..
I admitted for going to fb at night but I was also doing my work..
she practically doesnt trust me at all..
I called her to ask her abt the bag just now,
she called back and said you go wash daddy's socks
Sophia: you no time to wash is it?
mum: didnt you hear what I said just now, wash them. you only know how to sleep and sleep, you didnt help much at home..
Sophia: I just wanted to wake up at 845 and study at 9, I slept late so I need more sleep
mum: but waking up can absorb more , you always sleep
Sophia: but if I wake up early i wont have energy to study
mum: you know what time I sleep anot, you dont even know..
Sophia: what?! of course I dont know la, you close the door how I know what time you sleep, I slept at 2 ok?
mum: what you doing? you got work to do meh? don think I don know what you doing with the computer..
blah....blah.....blah... goes on goes on...
ended up, she said: ok I dont want to talk to you alr..
before I hanged up, I said, I am just goin to sleep til 845.. [call ended]
and usually when she talk to people on the hp, she doesnt say byes.. I also don know why..
but it will hurt me if she doesnt say.. maybe her style of talking.... wth??!?!?!
I dont want her to demoralised me each day just like that.
making morning so terrible for me and spoiling my entire day
what I think:
the starting of everything is important, to make things work out, you must achieve a good start..
i dont know, but I guess this will only happen on wed and thurs..
I can guarantee you all that 99.9%, she will rely on me to wash dad's socks again..
den end up I got to wash the family's socks..
to be honest, she hurts me alot
she doesnt trust me
I felt bullied by an adult..
what should I do besides praying?
i
have tried my best so hard just to respect her and I talked back to her again.. I had sin..
does she knows I am seventeen? for those who knows my mum, to be honest, I can feel that she doesnt treat me as a child of hers, even my grandma says so, thats why, I prefer to stay in my grandma's hse.. nice food, nice bed, nice tv, nice leisure.. just no air con..
but with grandma's love , its great:)
right now, I feel that my mum is evil, hurting me so badly..
she made me feel so down, I need another start of the day to make me feel better again, so time wasting, ytd becos of her I didnt study at all:(
I got lots to catch up you know, and the week is going to end soon, even more things to catch up
for those catching up, persevere on, dont be like me.. so easily get hurt and feel bullied..
I am going to play out my anger in netball today and hopefully it works out..
and and presentation, now I am not scared abt it, I am more of looking forward to having fun and making more new friends:)
I dont know if I can have the urge to study today
i really dont know.. right now, I got to wash my dad's socks:)
I am going to WASH MUCH MUCH CLEANER THAN HERS haha.. make her feel that she no standard.. haha..
kiwi gal~!, dont be sad alot of things will cheer you up
cereal_lover, I LOVE BROWNIEs... , Dancing Angel, zoomy girl, melinda~poo! , ~!, Melinda, laughing queen, drama queen, optimism and pessimism, brownie~lover, joker to the maximax..snakey 3, 4j
S(haha), kiwi gal~!
"You will never know only when you try!!"
-melinda~poo!
"Make others happy before you:)"
-kiwi gal~!
sorry that I cause you all to read so long..
sorry abt this post..
sadded kiwi gal~!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
This is my story...
Whats wrong with my mother?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!
Seriously, I really don know whats wrong with her..
I have lesson at 12 today, and meeting my friends at 11..
Normally, these days I will plan to wake up at 0830..
is it wrong? is it late to wake up at this time?
Ever since I step into poly, she didnt even bother to care abt me
she only cares abt this laptop I am using..
Everytime, she will come into my room saying and asking abt the laptop..
the way I placed it, the way I hold it, the way I typed ETC...
what sense is she making???
you mean, your daughter cant even be equally worth to a laptop?
This morning, she woke me up..
JUST BECAUSE I DIDNT PLACED MY LAPTOP IN A WAY SHE LIKES!!!
what sense is this SERIOUSLY!!!
she told me not to put my laptop like this, so I placed it flat on the floor and closed my eyes and went to my bed..
next, she said dont put it on the floor cos people will step
[who in my family will step?!?!?!?!?!- no sense at all]
so I put it on my table and went back to sleep..
she always do things to provoke me..
come on, you are just beside me and knowing that I am sleeping..
why cant you help a little to put my laptop on the table since you dont like the way its placed..
you are treating me like a slave
making me wake up again here and there just to put a laptop in a POSITION that you want..
I want to sleep although I know its morning
I need to sleep cos I am planning to read my notes later..
I have to sleep cos I dont want to sleep during lessons and go school for nothing..
when people wakes me up, I will feel angry for the whole morning
Fact is only when my mum wakes me up..
my dad, he knows I got to rest so he just came into my room, telling me he is going off to work alr.. thats ok to me..
my grandma, when she wakes me up, I can feel her concern for me..
when I was primary 3 to 6, when my mum wakes me up, she will shout sooo loud and start to kick me when I am sleeping to wake me up..
I HATE THIS YOU NOE!!!!!
up till now, everything I do, to her is because I lazy..
there was once, I remembered I was watching TV and lying down on the sofa
den I fell asleep, when she got back home, she accused me of being lazy to off the TV..
SERIOUSLY, talking to her is wasting ur time and saliva..
whats her problem.. not only this TV case, still have more
she practically don trust me at all, don think I am naive to say this but she ever say this to me "I DONT TRUST YOU" in chinese alot of times alr..
because of the aircon: she dont trust me that when she pass me the control, I will close the windows[ but its common sense to close windows if you on the air con right?]
because of the lights: she dont trust me when she goes to sleep, leaving me there alone in my room..cos during sec sch I will feel tired and sleep on the table with lights on.. but I am in poly now,she should like....I don know how to say..
and because she dont trust me, she thinks I am getting lazy?
I think theres is no link AT ALL!!!
I also remembered each year, my aunt will always visit me..
she will always buy me stuff like wallet, pencil case, shoes, bags..
I love all of them but I got to show them all to my mum as a respect..
next few weeks, they are all gone.. I didnt get any of those things my aunt gave me..
she gave them to someone? as she is the only one handling my things..
my angpao money, I am 17 this year but I still got to give her all of them..
but she didnt put into my account.. she use the money to prepare for next year's Chinese New Year..
when I ask where did she put the money, she will say is my dad go to the bank not her
PLEASE LAHHHHH I am not stupid ok? my dad seldom goes to the bank.. she is the one who often goes..
and she ever told me face to face, daddy is the one giving all the angpao money so he should be the one receiving all the angpao money back, you are not the one who should keep it, it belongs to daddy..
when my dad is sick and dont want to see doctor, its my fault also..
my dad's hp was problematic and he doesnt or rather havent get a new one,
I got nagged for this too, its my fault again..
my mum will say daddy is saving money and you keep spending, you only know how to spend and not save.. BUT PLEASE, I HAVE TO SAVE IN ORDER TO SPENT RIGHT? wwhat sense is she making this time again?
NO LINK AT ALL!!!
everytime she sms me, none of the sms is encouraging or cheering, they are all straightforward, direct, hurt and hurtful, not caring at all, accusivea and evil..
I have no freedom at all.. she just spoilt my mood this morning which ruin the start of today for me.. can you imagine this, she didnt even ask whether I have enough clothes for poly only at the second last week when poly starts.
though its late but I am touched that she asked that but she didnt do anything.
I have decided alr, what I want I will get them MYSELF.. I will save money and be independent.
she wants to control me but she cant control well..
my dad also cant really tolerate her.. everytime my mum speaks you can see his expression from his eyebrow that his ears cant make her voice enter..
so I decided alr, I am goin to save money..
she cant be the one demoralising me all day
even if I have no one, I have God who listens to all my troubles and thoughts..
He will make me stronger in life
I am sorry for typing all these out here.. but I was venting my anger here..
yup yup!!
I will gain back my kiwi power fast and be a happy little girl:)
yes I will.. I am happy now, haha not so fast but I will be:)
ok, this is what happen in the morning, as for the afternoon, I am not sure
I will try to blog if I can find the time to, ok?
readers, thank you so much for reading my blog:)
and friends, press on in work, do it all for the Glory of God:)
God Bless:)
-kiwi gal~!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
This is my story...
My dad was still at home when I woke up..
Today, I wore the grey long sleeve shirt that Melody gave to me:)
haha.. so snsd..
when I reached school, eveyrone was looking at me whenever I walked pass them
I don noe why but I was feeling unsecured..
I saw Shimin and we talked for a while
later, my friends came and we decided to go to class first..
After spending a while in class, a group of my classmates entered..
and the teacher said that they will be marked as absent!! the boring teacher btw..
I was so shocked cos .. yeah~
he also stated he takes attendants very seriously..
haha.. I listened in his class today but tired you know..
He came all the way at the back of the class-where I sat..
he knew people were msning, facebooking and stuff..
cos by looking at people's facial expression it is easy to tell who is doing stuffs that are not related to the subject.. haha.. I was very 'well behaved'.. haha.. okok..
Suddenly, when the teacher was still teaching, my dad came into my mind..
I love you, daddy:) you are so great in my life.. I thank God for you..ok
I shall stop here before the people here reading my blog gets jealous haha..
I ate a $1 fried rice today, though it comes in a small portion but its really nice
SAVE MONEY!!! haha..
drink water, no fruit juice:( control haha..
eat more at home:) thats a great idea haha..
yesterday, my mum bought me a shirt, its like bright dark green , I don noe how to describe but don think too much until you think that it doesnt suit me or smth..
its okok to me haha.. I wanted black but my dad insisted so yeah~
my dad got a laptop from his boss alr.. thanks mel, its ok..
I met Felicia today and we talked and stuff..
I just had QLA and I find the teacher cute too haha..
but the business statistics one cuter..
ever since the QLA teacher said "pls everyone keep your notebooks(laptop), I know ur will change to my slides whenever I walk pass you and do other stuffs when I walk away"
so cute and smart of him to even think like that haha....
hey friends, don stress alright? I will keep you in prayers and pray for one another too haha..
see you all soon.. haishhh.. everyone is getting busier each day and can hardly meet up..
but I trust you all that you all wont forget each other..
hey readers, thank you so much for reading my blog:)
I appreciate it..
randomly, I am still having sore throat:(
so if your happen to meet me and talk to me, dont laugh if I suddenly "zao sia"
which happens often though yup yup!!
I miss church alr, my friends, 4JS, Hephaestus, Olenos and my family..
I LOVE YOU ALL in my heart:)
-melinda (kiwi)
Monday, May 3, 2010
This is my story...
ITS 3RD MAY ALREADY!!!
celebrations come come on hey hey hey~~~
haha.. so sadded, all my friends have holiday except for me..
now, I am in this cold cold room for lecture lesson..
its the last lesson for the day of today hahahhhaha...
wow, can you believe this, I actually paid attention during the BORING teacher's lesson
but fact was, no matter how much I paid, nothing comes into my head..
I ate healthy food today but the chicken was oily..
I drank water too:)
and and and everyone is facebooking NOW!!!
I got to get well:)
I want to get well:):)
I have to get well:):):)
I have to save money too:)
money money money, so cool to save huh~!
so sad, I am stll having sore throat, when I talk always "zao sia" hahhahaahha
today , my friends talked abt our fav words.. haha
mine was : "what the?!", "joke" and "oh my gosh"
haha wow they so smart..
today, I also saw a girl, looked so korean, she dressed up like snsd haha..
oh no, I am freezing now..
my friends said hi....
ahhahaahahahahahahahaha
okok, I laughed too much....
and and and BIGGEST NEWS EVER!!!
I like my lecturer for Business Statistics..
haha he so CUTE!! and it makes me laugh so much.. haha
see you all soon.. :)
-kiwi gal~!
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